Interview with Nick Shane
I recently was interviewed by Nick Shane, you guys can check that out Here.
My only comments are… Well, I sound half dead on it! When he called me to do it I was still in bed from a super long night, so I’m obviously not at my best energy level. Besides that, it didn’t turn out too badly. I’m making a definitive mental note for next time to be PREPARED when someone wants to interview me!
6 Responses to “Interview with Nick Shane”
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It’s kind of funny that you thought this wasn’t the greatest interview. I thought it was absolutely terrific because you made a point that I had never realized even after casually studying this stuff for a few months.
Let me try to explain what I mean: A few months ago I was at some bar and I overheard these 2 girls talking about these 2 guys there were just talking to. They said something to the effect of “These two weird guys were like, ‘I bet you girls are best friends. I bet you even use the same shampoo.’” Of course, I instantly recognized that as one of Style’s lines, and I was wondering how is it possible that Style can use that one with great success, like it’s some kind of magic line, and yet these 2 idiots managed to creep out these 2 girls?
In the interview, Jack talks about how in the beginning how he was asking girls for their opinion about getting a haircut, but honestly didn’t give a damn what they thought, in fact he says he was almost uncomfortable lying and asking the question. He goes on to explain that it is for this reason that he isn’t using anyone else’s material or anyone else’s method.
What does this tell us? I think the answer is that it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it. The first 2 guys didn’t give a damn about whether the girls used the same shampoo, they were just trying to parrot Style, which is why it came off so weird. And now I realize why Jack looks like a natural in the videos: he’s a fucking rock. His demeanor never changes one iota. Whether he realizes it or not, he is totally comfortable being himself, and by doing so, he has the automatic effect of showing that he’s not trying to impress anyone.
I think there is something else to be said about the use of routines here, and I’ll try to use an example from my own life. Usually, in the course of a conversation, someone eventually asks, “so what do you do?” I happen to have a very good job at a very well known company, and I work on something that just about everyone has used and universally thinks is a really cool thing. I used to think that simply mentioning this fact would be a DHV, so I would pretend to be humble and say “oh I work for …”. (Notice how I said *pretend* to be humble.) But it turned out that what happened was the girl would usually have no reaction, so I would think to myself “how is it possible that this girl had no reaction to that.” This just made me try harder to impress the girl, so I’d begin going into more details, essentially just doing more bragging. Now I realize what an idiot I was making of myself. Anyone watching would have seen just how hard I was trying and how unattractive it made me. (And on the other hand, notice how her being nonreactive got me to try harder, and imagine it how it would be different if I was the nonreactive one).
What I did to rectify the situation was that I used a trick I got from the Mystery Method book that I think was called grounding. Basically, what I do if asked what I do is say “Well, let me ask you a question, what was the first thing you ever wanted to be when you were growing up.” (Yes, I know this is a line.) When she’s done, I can tell her my story. I’ve practiced the wording, filled it with colorful adjectives, but ultimately the story is my own, and it’s genuinely interesting, and doesn’t involve any lying or acting. So yes, you might say this is a routine that I’ve planned for a very common situation, BUT the way I tell it allows me to just be COMFORTABLE BEING MYSELF, which seems to have the automatic effect of telling it in a way that isn’t meant to impress or seek approval from the girl. I think this kind of thing is a perfectly valid use of a “routine” and it shows that it’s not so much what you say, but how you say it. I know I’ve always wondered (as have others) “should I just be myself or not?” I hope maybe this has helped someone understand what the difference is.
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Question for you guys: The stories I told above are compiled from the literally 3 or so times I’ve gone out into a “pickup situation” (ie bar) in the last 6 months. It represents somewhat of a revelation I just had from listening to the interview, and it’s not that I’m even pretending to be some kind of pickup expert. The reason I hardly ever get out much is mostly because I think my friends are the biggest bunch of losers. It seems like every week I’ll say “hey, you guys want to go out and try to pickup some girls this week?” and none of them ever want to do it. They would rather go to a movie or smoke hookah or some other boring, sausage filled activity. I’ll even ask people from work if that want to go to a bar after work and they usually don’t. Would you just go out alone (a rather daunting task for someone with approach anxiety)?
Jack,
That interview surprised me; I watched the video about your long term relationship but didn’t realise the extent of what you went through. Your experience (minus the baby!) seems to be strangely similar to mine: I was never the ‘nice’ guy, I was involved with a girl in Highschool that I was ‘in love’ with, at 15 my physique was pretty much like yours until I went to the gym – I went to the doctor’s like you to find out why I wasn’t eating etc., I even thought I was allergic to the protein shakes I was drinking so I bought different ones to no avail, didn’t leave the house for months etc. Basically the unconfident jerk as well, but I was also nice, just not the wussy nice as you rightly pointed out. I’m nowhere near your level in terms of approach, and where I live it’s not really done here, so most girls naturally put up their defenses and think you’re a weirdo/rapist etc. (or pedo in the case of your 15 y/o’s !!), though it does seem pretty much all of them do that to you when you approach them. I always thought Canada/US mall approaches were socially acceptable, but maybe I’m just going by what I see on TV or FTA Ridgemont High. Anyways well done on getting through it, that ‘lovesickness’ is pretty much the worst feeling I can think of – women wonder why men treat them like sh*t sometimes and turn into players, but either that or they steam roll your sorry ass into the concrete. They know they have the power in this game, they choose, and they usually have a hell of a lot of choice anyway (where I am, even the dog ugly ones) so I respect you for refusing to put up with it any longer. You mentioned in another post that Demetri had more drive than Scott – given that you too have experienced depression I would have thought you might understand it’s not because he isn’t determined enough, he just needs to sort out his health first. Demetri is obviously going to have a fairly ok time compared to most guys in approaching, owing to the fact that he looks like someone ripped straight out of the O.C. The fact that you are ripped also accelerates you beyond the status of AFC, and you know this.
As for the various systems going around, I do agree that sometimes the natural approach is better. Some systems say compliment, others say do not compliment as it raises her status above yours etc., no one knows which one works. Maybe a good idea might be to use specific systems on different girls and see which system seems to work best? Of course it wouldn’t be a 100% accurate experiment because each girl will be vastly different but it would be interesting to see. I honestly think that David DeAngelo has something going for his methods.
Looking forward to the next vid,
J
P.S. The reason why I believe in DeAngelo is because, way before reading his book, in any success I’ve had with girls, it’s been through behaving in a sort of calm, strong, assertive, yet caring way, but still you take no sh*t. I read Attraction Isn’t A Choice and it made complete sense to me. This one time I was physically drawn to this chick because she had huge jugs, she wasn’t pretty but her jugs were huge, so I kind of blew off this high-class girl who was sitting on the other side of me, talking to her now and again, but taking cocky shots at her. It worked and by the end of the night she asked me out. A couple years before that a girl asked me if I have a car, and whether I could give her a lift; I replied “f*** off you f***ing whore, I don’t give lifts to girls unless they’re worth it” and of course they try to prove themselves. Maybe that’s a bit extreme even for DeAngelo but it works.
Jayden, thank you for the kind words in all your posts! I do appreciate it.
A relationship guru explained to me the difference between men and women, and why the leading cause of suicide in males is divorce, you’ll be able to relate:
Women feel a larger range of emotions than men do. But men on the other hand, feel less of a range except when they DO feel emotions they feel them STRONGER!
After hearing this it all made sense. It made sense why you always see guys who are heart broken miserable for decades, and women moving on in matter of weeks… It’s why it’s so dangerous for males to get attached quickly. With our more powerful emotions we have to be careful who we hand our feelings over to.
My relationship wasn’t a normal one, it ended 6 times over a period of 2.5 years. Each time she left me I felt that awful gut wrenching feeling. The first time was the worst, that was when my weight dropped to an insane low and all my muscular development consumed it’s self for energy. The last and final time she did in the summer of 07 I decided I needed to change.
I dropped just about EVERY friend I had for a period of 5 months. I devoted all my time to reading books about spirituality (Stuart Wilde to be exact) and at this point I felt a REAL shift in my being.
Because we share a daughter together (who’s 4 now!) I will NEVER have her out of my life completely. I never get to say she’s “Gone.” I have a life long connection through blood with this girl. And let me tell you, as painful as it can be, I wouldn’t have it any other way. Life threw me this incredible lesson at such a young age, and it’s catapulted me light years a head mentally and metaphysically.
Our tormentors are our the BEST teachers the world has to offer. You simply have to understand the way things work on a deeper scale, and you’ll understand how blessed you really are.
Your pain, my pain and Scott’s pain are fuel to the flame. Pour it on and watch your progress erupt to new heights!
Great interview, I saw your live video number close on masf and came here, the videos and site are very impressive.
You are a natural compared to most guys in the community, most need canned lines and routines because they can’t naturally keep a conversation flowing. So the way you’ve gotten so good so fast is because of you, not how you go about doing it, this is why you can break so many “rules” and still succeed. Your frame is strong and your interesting, you are a natural you just needed a little push!
That said, in the interview you said you aren’t reading anything in the community anymore, this is probably very helpful in some ways. In some ways the community can continue help. When you move to consistently pushing for same day lays – no day2s, you will run into last minute resistance.
There are some great techniques out there for blasting through that. Finding those things out naturally using trial and error can take a very long time, because in reality you will only end up in a potential same day lay situation 3-4 times per week tops.
The community is great for relationship advice.
JAck: You are kind of hard on the mystery method. Remember mystery , in the venusian arts book, always suggests, nay, commands, to go out and try things out, do your own takes on pickup and calibrate. I specifically remember when he starts talking about approach, he states that the method works with indirect openers, but he properly states the disclaimer that direct openers can work and tells you to go out and try all kinds of things for your self. So dont say that the mystery method is the magic pill, if keyboard junkies think of it that way, that is their misinterpretation, but the book clearly states you need to go out and calibrate on your own, that nothing is bulletproof.
In an other set of ideas, your job here in this website is priceless, thanks a lot, on behalf of all of us afc s aspiring to become pua s.