Simple pickup’s take on Approach Anxiety – or as they like to call it, “BB” (bitch butterflies).
I found this episode to be extremely motivational. I especially like their analogy of relating the anxiety to a roller coaster ride. However I would like to elaborate a wee bit more about a common misconception most men have in regards to their approach anxiety:
Like Kong says in the simple pickup video, the anxiety never goes away, but it does lessen. From my own experience I have found this to be true for the most part, except if you stop for a long period of time. In which case it does come back full swing. Say for example you stop approaching women for over 2 months after going at it hard. You’ll be more nervous than if you had just done it yesterday.
It’s almost as if it accumulates. The more you do it, the more you accumulate the ability to push beyond the anxiety. But as soon as you stop approaching altogether your ability to beat the anxiety slowly decompresses and it gets more, and more difficult to push yourself to do it.
The biggest thing you have to keep in mind is that the first 1-3 approaches are ALWAYS the most difficult. Once you make it through those first few approaches in any given day or night the rest is cheese cake.
The anxiety never goes away but what ends up happening is the more approaches you do, the more times you face the fear head on – the more your body adapts to being able to overcome fear. You affirm it to yourself and your entire being that it’s okay to be scared. It’s okay to feel terrified even. You teach yourself that you’re going to do it anyway in spite of that fear.
This lesson, when applied again and again can start to wreak profound changes. Eventually your overall confidence goes up. You start to realize that you have more power over your life than you ever imagined. Now this is a powerful notion. Once you realize you have the power to go for what YOU want, and to shape your own future – that’s when you begin to evolve and grow into the person you always dreamed of.
- Jack Coxwell
Jack or any 1 out there please help me I am depressed I find that I can speak 2 women easily but al I end up as is a friend and this reali is depressin me I just feel like I aint normal as if I wil never get a women I need help urgently
i totally agree with your theory jack BB comes back hard when you leave its for a long time. i had a bad incident myself and i am trying to come out of that BB slowly … i used to be really good at talking to girls or anyone with no hesitation like start a random conversation but one day i went out to the mall to buy a new phone in the store i started talking to one of the girl employee honestly i was kind of tired so i had no intentions of picking her up i started asking her about the phones and upcoming models and being funny in the way then she mentions to me that if i can wait for a month or so there will be a new handset coming out which is good so i made a joke saying ” ohh so ur just saying that because you want to see me again” she laughed for a bit to it and then further talking to her for few min i just left. a week after my phone died so i came back to the same store cause i had to buy a phone. i was standing there in the store and this girl was with some other customer as soon as she finished with her she went out of the store and called the mall security. i was still standing there minding my own business had no clue whatsoever all of a sudden had two bald guys on top of me asking me questions and shit. Since that day i had been pretty much scared to talk to people thinking maybe i was wrong somewhere and thus that nervousness over powers you quite bad. mentioning roller coaster kind of sums up the whole thing.
It is NOT fear at all. Has it ever occurred to you guys ( not the ones selling pickup artists courses, are there really that many of them? Hmmm…) that men have figured out that this dating game is bogus? With NOTHING but hassles in it for them? Just like
the poor high school nerds types, live your life, make yourself successful and the women find YOU attractive all of a sudden. Aren’t they just wonderful people?
4:47 ok i don’t care i’m gonna try this right a way. if this guy gets it done with that hot chick i def. gonna try too kiss one so hot. i don’t care if her dad is standing next to her i will grab her….ohww i will grab her hard….
Nice touch Jack. I’d like to share my 2cents on this topic.
Let me ask… fear of what? why do most men experience this fear/nervousness?
In reality, we are talking fear like women are these big scary monsters from planet mars. False! They are same as all of us, excepts with tits and a hole. Come on guys, what is there to be intimidated of? Most of them are short, timid, weak, and for the most part, harmless.
I have been in the situation, and experienced the nervous sensation referred to here as BB.
Here’s the kicker. It’s about your “focus” and how you CHOOSE to think about it. If you approach a woman like she’s some target and you are trying to pick her up or get something from her. Abso-fucking-lutely its gonna seem scary and like a daunting task to approach her.
Conversely, say u look at it as an opportunity to have a fun interaction, talk to (not pick up) another human being and make a potential new friend, or where ever else u want to take it… well then that entirely shifts the perspective. It makes things scary when you attach an outcome to approach, and put pressure on yourself to “get” something.
No pressure. Go with the flow. Enjoy yourself and the interaction. Don’t get fixated to some end result or outcome. Definitely don’t look at women as complex, scary creatures from another planet. This will allow to look at each approach/interaction as a win, no matter what happens.
Awesome. Glad to see another update from you. Thanks for the elaboration. It does make a lot of sense.